I'll See You In My Dreams

My Dad died on February 29. He was eighty years old. I don't know how to grieve this way so I am simply doing what my body wants to do. Crying and aching and laughing and crying and then going on with my day and then crying some more. I have been known to say that unless you have children you never truly grow up. This loss has made me feel more achingly human than I anticipated. Just when life seems to make sense or become so unbelievably wretched or beautiful that it's almost too much to bear, something happens that tells me I have more to learn. I know how ecosystems work, how death gives birth to new life, how things are so intricately connected that it is impossible for someone to die and not still be embedded in the pattern. I know that every tear that mourns his loss carries the deep healing of his loving spirit. I see my future as never before.

And I'll see you in my dreams
The ones rooted in this land
In the smiles of my children
In the futures that we plan
In the river that flows through us
In the friends that we hold dear
As long as I keep dreaming Dad,
I'll know that you're still here.