Growing Grass

I was once told by an environmental engineer that farmers know very little when it comes to the environment unlike himself, who had spent more than six years in university studying and many more taking samples and writing reports so he could understand the complex relationships that exist within and between water, air and soil. I asked him what made his short study more valuable than the fifty years my parents spent on the land learning how to keep the grass growing so it could feed the livestock and in turn support their family and still sustain future generations. As huge tracts of land throughout the world disappear into deserts that environmental scientists struggle to reclaim, knowing how to keep the grass growing is powerful alchemy.

I stood in northern Alberta and watched the sky turn red at sunset after Mount Saint Helen’s erupted in Washington State. What more do I need to know about the air but that I share it with the entire planet? I owe it to every other creature to keep it safe to breathe. I have felt the melt of the shrinking Athabasca Glacier dribble into my hand before cutting a ribbon through the prairies, finding a way into my home. What more do I need to know about the water but that we cannot survive without it? As climate changes and glaciers shrink we need to treasure every drop. I grew strong and healthy on food grown on my family’s farm, the northern Alberta landscape providing enough to feed a large family through the winter. What more do I need to know about the soil but that it feeds me? My health is dependent on the nutrients that are present in soil that grows the food that nourishes my body.

I have also observed how corporations, banks, and insurance companies throughout North America have betrayed the trust of investors and taxpayers. What more do I need to know about large companies but that their interests do not serve me? When a company claims that its energy is clean because it does not emit CO2 but neglects to mention that the radioactive waste is toxic and will not dissipate for millions of years, how can I trust their integrity? I have observed cancer and autoimmune disorders become epidemic in a time when toxic substances ranging from chemical fertilizers, to household cleaners to beauty products have been sold to a trusting public only later to be found dangerous? What more do I need to know than it is my job to protect my family? When a company wishes to bring their untested technology to my backdoor, to my home instead of their own, what are their actions telling me about their product? I have seen how hundreds of ducks died the cruelest death when someone near Ft. McMurray forgot to make sure the cannons that were to frighten them away were firing. I know of the meltdown at Chernoble, the invasion of Iraq. What more do I need to know than to err is to be human? No nuclear power plant is fail safe, why risk it when there is no need?

Who will speak for the land if not the ones who live on it and have fed their families and neighbors through good and bad times with the careful stewardship of soil and water? Who deserves a strong voice in deciding what is best for the community if not the ones who have watched and often trusted tides of experts who came and went, each with a new theory, a better product and many unfulfilled promises? It’s a foolish person who would choose toxic waste for quick money over the alchemy of growing grass.

Ode to Betsy

Today I gave away my truck...a 1991 Ford Ranger club cab. I didn't imagine when I bought it brand new after I signed my first teaching contract that I would drive it for 17 years. It had more than 327 thousand km's on it and was still going strong. The only problem was that it was getting hard on gas for some reason and we were given a newer vehicle (1992) in much better shape with much lower mileage and it seemed crazy to keep them both.

My truck took me all the way to Inuvik via Vancouver, the Queen Charlotte Islands, the Cassiar Highway and Dawson City in 1992. In 1993 it helped me survive the L.A. Freeway after I drove it all the way to California. In 1995, it took me all the way out to St. John's Newfoundland. It never needed any major repairs, could start at temperatures up to -30C and had room enough in the back for a bed. I once calculated that I spent a total of 7 months sleeping in the back of it.

Part of me is very sad to see it go. I kinda wish I could drive it until it's last breath, when we would slide together to the edge of the highway and I would know it was over. I want to honor the longevity of a vehicle that hasn't self destructed after the warranty ran out, something constructed without built in obsolescence. I traveled with it as it aged from cool to clunker, never needing a new vehicle to replace the one that worked perfectly well despite the gathering blemishes.

It probably wasn't the most environmentally friendly thing to do, driving an old truck, but after 17 years I figure I spent less than $100/month for the privilege of getting from A to B. These days, that's a pretty good deal. I am grateful that Bob, the new owner, can fix it up and use it for a few more miles. (Why is it that the mileage that I got 17 years ago is better than the fantastic mileage that they're offering with new vehicles today?)

Keeping the Faith

There are moments and days that I feel intense despair. I don't know how to explain it other than I shiver to my soul. What brings it on? Maybe it's an election where 7% of the vote doesn't get any seats in the House of Commons, but 10% somehow grab 42. Maybe it's how the looming spectres of peak oil and climate change enter so many of our conversations and news stories yet they doesn't seem to invoke any real commitment to change. Maybe it's how a personal pizza can make a mockery of everything we claim education is about. Maybe it's just about how much I miss the guiding lights that always seemed to know a way out of the darkness.

Do I tilt at windmills or do I dig my hands and feet into the earth and search for that spiritual connection that I know is there? Do I spend the rest of my life playing with extended metaphors or do I give myself over to daily mediations and the present moment? I should be old enough not to mess around with this kind of angst but it's been a helluva year.

Try A Little Kindness

I try not to think in worst case scenarios. I have two beautiful little girls who are full of dreams. I have a beautiful garden and I live in the extraordinary Peace Country of Alberta full of rivers, prairies, forests and creatures. For all of these reasons I must remain optimistic that the will exists to learn to live in a sustainable way. Predictions for my part of the world include more severe weather, drought and more expense for those things brought into our community. While these things are worrisome in themselves, what worries me the most as we consume our way through our resources is how we will behave toward those around us as there is less and less to consume. How will we respond to the parts of the world that are now supplying us with cheap food as their countries suffer the effects of climate change? Who might eye our resources as things become scarcer? It's difficult to answer those questions because I have seen abundance bring out the worst in people, while crises can bring out the best.

I believe kindness is a key element in sustainability. Kindness to ourselves is critical. The kinder I am to myself it seems the less I need from the world and the easier it is to be kind to others. Kindness extended to those around me is reflected back. What is kindness? Seeing, acknowledging and honoring the intrinsic value in someone or something in such a way that they know they've been seen, acknowledged and honored simply because they are.

The Dark (K)night

Last night I went to see the The Dark Knight with Mark. Another Batman movie it explores the fine line between good and evil,asking some interesting questions: Is it easy to be "good" when you haven't experienced the pain of loss? To what extent are we responsible for the actions of others? When given the power to choose, your life or another's, would you end someone else's life? In typical Hollywood style, these questions are imposed on caricatures of people, in extreme situations, so that no one can miss the obvious. We all leave the theatre hoping that we could be the hero required at any particular moment in time.

Well, this is always that moment and it's pretty easy to be a hero...at least it seems as though it should be. At what other point in history are we asked not how could we do more, but how could we live with less? When else instead of trying to fuel our machines with all the energy we can find to go careening into the future, would we be doing more for the world by slowing down? There is a wonderful world waiting to be discovered if we would only slow down and allow our attention to be drawn away from the things that have cluttered our view.

Yesterday I laid on the ground and felt the embrace of gravity as I stared out into the universe. (An exercise taken from Stephan Harding's book, Animate Earth). I wondered what kind of love it takes to not only sustain me with wheat that is grown, sheaved and ground into flour for bread, but the kind of love that would makes something as exquisite as a strawberry or raspberry top it off? It's the kind of love that Batman can't see or feel as he goes flying down the road on his supersonic, highpowered motorbike, through the crime ridden streets of Gotham.

No Heroes
Sometimes the cause gets so big and the issues all get confused,
Sometimes the greater good means that you have to sacrifice the few,
Sometimes the best intentions can create the largest crime,
Nobody gets to be the hero all the time,
Nobody has to be a hero all the time.

Another Breath

So much has happened since I last blogged that I'm not sure where to begin. Perhaps with the meditation that I learned while attending Schumacher College in Totnes,
Devon, England. Close your eyes...relax and still your body...quiet your mind...bring your mind and body together by focusing on your breath...know that this breath connects you to all living things...we all share the same breath.

If you've ever watched the movie "The Matrix" you'll remember the scene where you can see all the naked human bodies are linked up to an enormous machine so that their energy can fuel the machine, while their brains are being fed an entirely different reality. Because we can wander and dream at will and believe that we are "free", this image is terrifying to us. It's a rather graphic, painful scene when the lead character is “freed”.

There is nothing I love better than to wander freely in the forest finding tasty berries to fill my pail. The pleasure of drinking water from a cold spring on a hot day tastes like nothing else in the universe. I need only to look at trees and see the pattern of my lungs in the branches to know that I am intimately connected. And it doesn’t matter what style of clothes I wear, how many degrees or how much money I earn, I am as naked as the next in my need for these basic things: food, water, breath.

And so we are plugged in, not by a prong-like extension cord at the back of our neck, but by something as effortless as breathing, tasting, drinking. And because it is effortless we forget that it is important. And as other things become more important: money, power, status symbols, we forget that tenuous connection, perhaps believing that one day, there will be a machine that can save us.

My Love Song to Gaia

It's hard to know exactly where I end and you begin
I try to focus on each breath, and let the light enter in
There's an ebb and flow between us, sometimes we give, sometimes we take
And in the pushing and the pulling, there's a magic we create.

Reaching in, I find your spirit
Reaching out, I touch my heart
I should have known in all this chaos
We never really came apart
It's the comings and the goings
That sometimes make me feel alone
But I'm learning how to find you
Everywhere I go...

I'll See You In My Dreams

My Dad died on February 29. He was eighty years old. I don't know how to grieve this way so I am simply doing what my body wants to do. Crying and aching and laughing and crying and then going on with my day and then crying some more. I have been known to say that unless you have children you never truly grow up. This loss has made me feel more achingly human than I anticipated. Just when life seems to make sense or become so unbelievably wretched or beautiful that it's almost too much to bear, something happens that tells me I have more to learn. I know how ecosystems work, how death gives birth to new life, how things are so intricately connected that it is impossible for someone to die and not still be embedded in the pattern. I know that every tear that mourns his loss carries the deep healing of his loving spirit. I see my future as never before.

And I'll see you in my dreams
The ones rooted in this land
In the smiles of my children
In the futures that we plan
In the river that flows through us
In the friends that we hold dear
As long as I keep dreaming Dad,
I'll know that you're still here.